Growing Inspiration

First of all, it’s been way too long since I’ve updated! I’ve been putting it off because I have had lots to do around the house lately and because Maddie Summer got her shots and her teething is killing her!

When we got her shots the other day, she was totally miserable that evening and some of the day after. I felt so bad for my sweet girl… all she wanted to do was cuddle with mommy or daddy. It’s a special feeling, to be able to cuddle your child and know, without words or their verbal confirmation, that YOU are the only thing that can make them feel the best they can feel… I love that. I hate that my baby girl was feeling so terrible and had such a fever, but I love being able to be there for her and comfort her.

In other news! Lately I’ve been easily inspired by tons of things. I have a couple of photoshoots scheduled for Monday and they’re both creative and conceptual, the type of photography I started out doing. The kind of photography that owns my heart and soul. I should have never allowed myself to have such a long absence from something that makes me so happy.

Brian’s co-worker gave me a film camera with two lenses that he bought a couple of years ago for a photography class. He doesn’t use them anymore and offered them to Brian since he know I’m a photographer, and Brian knew I would love them and took them. I bought some film and tested it out… and I fell in love. I could feel myself glowing. I was meant to be a photographer! It makes me a certain typ of happy that I don’t feel with anything else. 🙂

Speaking of photography… I changed the name of my photography! I’m now Blooming Rose Photography. Is that a little cheesy? 😉 I don’t care! I love it. I think it really represents me and my life and I want to be able to represent myself in a way that I can shine through each photo. You know?

Here are some recent photos I’ve taken!

I had to stand very still for this shot… and for a long time. Every time a hummingbird would come up to the feeder, the most I would move was my hand to focus my manual Rokinon lens! And then when it would fly away, I’d inch a little bit closer, going unnoticed by the next hummingbird to fly up and get a drink.

That’s it for now 🙂 I’ll try to keep updated more often!

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Father’s Day Then and Now

Brian being such a great, loving, and dedicated father and partner means very much to me. I never had a father growing up. I had father figures, but just that – figures. Shadows. Phantoms.

I’m not saying I feel like the father figures I grew up having didn’t actually love me, or that my love for them isn’t real. It very much is, and I appreciate them so very much. I love looking at old photos of when I was tiny, because my Uncle Butch is probably either holding me or somewhere beside me in at least half of them. He grew up without a father too, so we’ve always had a special bond. My Papaw is the most important man in my life, and I can tell he looks at me differently than the other grandkids. He knows I see him as more than just Papaw. I see him as close to a father as I can.

My father was and still is an alcoholic. He and my mom divorced when I was 3. The first time I remember meeting him, I was 7 years old and we lived an hour away from here with my step-dad at the time and his son. I remember him crying and saying I was so big and so pretty. When you’re 7 years old, you don’t realize things.

At 7 years old, I didn’t realize how my father was never really a father, not even to his son, my half brother. I didn’t realize his tears were probably full of guilt and anxiety. I didn’t realize when my mom calmly asked, “Autumn… Your dad is here to meet you. Want to put on a pretty dress?” behind her voice was more than likely anger, fear, hatred. I didn’t realize plans to the roller rink being cancelled wasn’t really getting my hopes crushed.

Despite the ups and downs I’ve had with what little relationship I have with my father, I’ve managed not to be psychologically screwed up the ass. I’m a pretty freaking awesome mom, and I had a daughter with a really amazing guy. He is changing my view on what being a father means every day. He’s making dads around the world look a little better to me. I never thought all dads were crap or anything like that… but I’m less likely to think something negative about my dad when I see other great dads with their children.

So, happy father’s day to Brian, to my Papaw, to my Uncle Butch, to my Uncle Ray, to my soon-to-be father-in-law Randy, and to all the other dedicated and loving dads out there. You’re doing something great for your family.

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